It’s been a while.
I had my follow up call with my therapist yesterday. This is the one where they leave you for three months to see how you cope after an 8 month programme of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
It went well. Compared to last year I am so much more content with things, I’ve got more of a handle of things and I know what my triggers are. I know that I live with anxiety and that’s okay. I have people that I can rely on to support me through any rough patches.
I remember talking to a friend about how annoyed I got that my house wasn’t being kept tidy by my partner at the time and how much it derails my day. The overwhelming feeling of hopelessness that this triggered was something that I couldn’t work past.
She said ‘I think you might be suffering from depression’
That’s a funny thing to hear. You think you’re okay, you think that your reaction to something so small is rational. I can’t be depressed, I’m happy and outgoing, that’s not me at all.
Referring myself for therapy was one of the best things I have ever done.
My therapist reminded me of things I had said when we first started our sessions. One of them was ‘I just don’t want to be sad anymore’.
I struggled with depression a long side anxiety – mainly onset by a breakdown of a relationship & one of my best friends passing away far too soon.
I thought I managed to get myself out of it when I met someone new, but it was just papering over a crack, which was getting bigger.
Being able to talk to someone who had no emotional investment was cathartic. Yeah, you can talk to friends, family or loved ones but they all carry with them a certain paradigm in which you exist.
Everyone has their own agenda, whether it’s obvious or not.
Which is why I liked my therapist so much. I could be brutally honest, without fear of repurcussions. So I got everything out, over the course of 8 months. We applied framework to help me manage my feelings, something that I have not been very good at.
Now I am grateful for everyone in my life. This process has taught me the importance of opening up to people, investing emotionally into them in order to get the same back. Some people aren’t for you, but they will make themselves known very quickly.
If you are struggling, talk to someone.
If you’re not struggling, check in with a mate. It only takes a minute to ask how someone is doing and it could make the world of difference.