I made a decision last night, to take control of life and make my own decisions rather than waiting for someone else.
It’s liberating.
Finally I have the freedom to dictate play, start myself on a journey that isn’t anchored by expectation, circumstance or loyalty.
I’m going to a party tonight and it makes me anxious. I don’t really know anyone, apart from the main person and their significant other. The thought of not fitting in, being liked, having anyone to talk to, not having fun. I’m not drinking so does that mean I won’t be involved? I don’t get invited to these things much, do I remember how to interact with people? I don’t want to make a fool out of myself, I don’t want to be too boring. These are the thoughts that swirl round and round in my head when I am asked if I’ll attend.
Of course I’ll attend, it’s one of my best friends, but the worry goes on.
I, of course, know that this is going to be all okay but I’m sure it’s my mind raising its shields and trying to protect me from social rejection.
Being able to throw myself into the unknown is a struggle that I am living with, I choose to play it safe & do what I know.
This decision to lead a liberal life and take control is the first step in redemption.
